yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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