I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
