Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
