apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
