I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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