WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We got so high we made milksteak
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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