Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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