I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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