so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I supernannyed him into submission
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
