It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
