party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
