Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
