OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
