I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
