is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
