is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
