I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
