we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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