Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
