I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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