Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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