You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
