3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
