the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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