Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
