coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
