For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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