smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
