I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
