Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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