I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
