wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
