I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
