Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't put those talents on a resume
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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