tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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