I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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