My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
