last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
