the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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