i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
