walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
