Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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