Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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