there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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