The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
