Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
