Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
