Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
