Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
