when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will pee on everything he values.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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