he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
