I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
