Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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