Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
