I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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