How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
