i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
