Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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