google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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