my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
