That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
