all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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