Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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