We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
