everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
