woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
