Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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