marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
