so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
