my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
