i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
