toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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