Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
