So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
