I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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