How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no, he came in my armpit
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
