guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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