HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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