Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
