Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
