i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
