Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Even my vagina gasped.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
