I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i drank out of a bidet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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