Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
