Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
