your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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