ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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